When you start freeing yourself it doesn’t come as an instant epiphany and nirvana where the universe just opens up and lets you in because you finally figured it out. Well this might happen down the line, but one thing happens first – all of the things that were holding you back rush back stronger, emerge all at once to make you face them and release, all of the compulsions, tendencies and bad habits, unprocessed things will come back at the threshold of freedom, and they can and will slow you down – IF you accept them as real and not only tied to your perception of who you are. If you’re moving out of your current state why would they have any say in who you are anymore? Just go through whatever it is you need to go through.
We never laugh at live dragons, but paper dragons are curiosities. Is the dragon stopping you a real one or a funny looking unsubstantial paper trinket – is it addiction standing in your way, an old nagging feeling or a thought, a trauma you keep playing over and over in your head, an unfulfilled yearning, an untold story, a lazy streak and a tendency to procrastinate, a real material issue, lack of direction… all of them are temporary and solutions are there, but are usually to be found somewhere in the peripheral vision once you stop obsessively staring at that thing at point blank. Don’t be mad at the old structures, you’re human, you need chaos and order alike, don’t pigeonhole emotions into good and bad, just notice the intensity of the reaction and use them as guides and interfaces – they will tell you if you need to go forward here, stop or reverse and backtrack to get to the last stable point. It’s maze, but as human, you were made to problem solve – your body and neural network was designed for this.
You’ve been given a whole range of experiences through your senses, emotional capacities and intellect and none of them are neither good nor bad by default, they are just experiences and freedom is an overlapping, overarching thing, not tied to any of these. They are limited tools. Nothing is required, you can release it all. Freedom has always been in opening the space up, not shrouding it in the margins of any certain experience or any specific feeling, place, desire, premade idea… It is more like a general mission statement of being alive according to which all other things tune in. But there will be oppositions before you find this place, so many of them, and just as all other worthwhile things – it is a process, it will take time. This is ok – freedom will not go anywhere, it’s just here. You don’t need to wait for it because it has no fixed date of emerging, it will not come with bells to announce its arrival, it will not boast or expect anything of you, no rite of passage, no symbolic welcome. It just is. As you get closer, the obstacles will speed up and keep piling on, deal with them without getting attached to the outcomes. All will pass.