Abysses… if you stare at them long enough they look back you know… well they do. And that’s kind of awesome and equally pee your pants realm of scary at the same time. It doesn’t feel awesome while the staring contest is in progress (you’ll blink first, it’s no contest at all) but in general it is better to look into the darkness than to constantly look away, knowing it is there sitting in the peripheral vision for all eternity.
The void is always there, it is uncreated, unmoved, unchanged, still, stabile and full in its emptiness because it is only filled with reflections of ourselves. It needs to be looked at in privacy and solitude at first, only then can the insight be taken from it systematized and shared, although the nature of the void is such that there are things that elude verbalization. It’s a feeling, a dread infused with sweet release from suffering through finally seeing and understanding. How can something so empty be so confrontational at the Sam time? Because you’re looking only at yourself and all of your baggage having the deepest and most important self-therapeutic monologues you’ll ever have. Where is the abyss and can it be found consciously? It seems you’ll need to be put through trial and tribulation first, pushed to the edge of the precipice to be able to look down at all. Carl Jung said: “Modern man can’t see God because he doesn’t look low enough.” This is not a God of organized religion necessarily. It is the sacred in all things, and there is no need to raise your eyes up to find it. You know those days and periods when you just go through the motions, and instead of enjoying the day you merely survive it. If that is all you can do on this day it is all right. As the sun goes down, you’ll be ever more eager to retreat into solitude because the world becomes too much to deal with and all you want to do is disengage and stare into empty space. This is the gateway, the abyss is there and, in more cases than not, this it is a prelude to a breakdown of some sort. A trauma is overfilling what the cup can bare. And when it breaks it will be sad, furious, liberating, gorgeous exothermal expulsion of energy that’s been stifled for way to long. Breakdown might not feel comfortable, it might in fact feel like you’re going slightly (or not so slightly) mad, like you’re losing your mind and your whole life is caving in around you to be left as a smoldering ruin. This is what’s happening. Some old structure you’ve build your life upon has shown itself to be an insufficient lie and is crumbling in roaring chaos, in the moment it breaks the void is speaking the truth and the discomfort you feel are growing pains of transformation. A breakdown is the cessation of a long perpetuated untrue construct and it is the same things as a breakthrough. Dealing with trauma precedes freedom.
So if there is a constant dissatisfaction gnawing at you, if there is something forcing you to retreat and stare into space – pay attention. Your soul is trying to tell you to look down for salvation, down into the gutters of al of the stupid things you do that harm you, all of the beliefs you hold that are limiting and people and situations you’re keeping in your life for no other reason than being afraid of confrontation and change. Don’t be afraid to stare back into the emptiness. The only thing it’s not full of is crap you keep telling yourself while you’re pretending to be happy. Look and see. Don’t flinch. Some things will be ugly but once you see the shadow you have the capability to integrate it. All of our shadows live in places we’d rather not look into. But we have to. Not seeing because you couldn’t have seen is a fact, while willing blindness to what you could have seen if you tried and had some fortitude is a moral crime. Stare into the abyss and deal with it. It is not going anywhere until you talk.