We would so enjoy to be highly regarded, to be shown respect, be loved and cherished and create close knit web of personal relationships. Not generic “Hi, how are you, fine, thank you” bland courtesy, but deep connective tissue of life afrirming relationships with those who know us as we are – faults, neurosis and all the horrible dark swamps, as well as the beautiful spaces of light and grace.
Well there’s a catch how we go from strangers to friends and it’s not listing our success, pompously asking adoration, prize or acknowledgement. There is no deep connection without failure. The more embarrassing the failure shared the closer the relationship. It’s about the willingness to be vulnerable, not hiding or editing out, leaving a sterile pristine CV story for the other. It’s about showing the rainbow in Technicolor and its distorted negative image as well. You know this from experience and the lifelong relationships you foster – the best friends you have know the most embarrassing chapters of your story and they could use it against you, it’s that juicy, but you trust them they won’t. There is no shame, there is trust and vulnerability and, for the most part, laughter and wonder about the human condition and the twist and turns life pulled us through.
Shiny trinkets of self-praise are shallow and if build only upon them, will develop shallow relationships as well, resulting in ultimate isolation out of fear and self-protection. We’re all just people and we screwed up more times than we’d like to remember. Why is this willingness to share the failures and embarrassments such a skeleton key? Because we all feel like we’re alone in, like we’re weird, unusual, somehow not fully fitting in, comparing our lives to the overly edited snippets of a highlight reels of other people’s lives, watching women with perfect hair cooking delicacies on culinary channels while we run home, with a head of messed up hair from a day of living in the real world and put something remotely edible together from what we found in the fridge. We all feel like we’re not handling this life thing very well from time to time, and the vulnerability and trust someone shows you by showing you their skeletons makes you feel less alone, instantly connected and opens the pathway to true communication.
There is no need to go mad within your head thinking that only you’re having this experience, that you’re singled out and alone. We’re all warped and bent in unimaginable ways and people can get to know us only by what we choose to tell them. So choose to tell more, to speak the truth, to be opened without fear of being judged. Sometimes you will be judged, but that’s fine. This will teach you who is guarding themselves so tightly out of their own panic that they can’t take this honesty right now. We’re all screwed up but we can make it work together, compensate for each other’s inadequacies and create something that is greater than the sum of its part, a diagram of beauty and togetherness has the willingness to risk being ridiculed as its main axis. There is nothing to fear, hide or protect.