Oh look! There’s a wall. Everything I want (we’re often delusional about what we want) and need (that’s a far better thing to aim at) is on the other side of this wall. And the wall is as tall as it is long. This wall is made out of so many things. It’s made out of worry, anxiety, doubt, unresolved issues, past experiences, learnt patterns of behavior, addiction, attachment, criticism, fear, self-loathing, trauma and here and there, but in far fewer cases – the outside circumstance. Bricks are the least of your worries.
The walls we build are very much internal architectural feats that took years, maybe decades to erect and might have even been useful at some point in time, serving to keep a force that had a potential to destroy the core of you outside. Maybe you needed the wall more than you knew to keep your wits about you and preserve something soft within. That is all right, life happens as a rhythm, a series of shrinking and expansions, implosions and explosions, endothermic and exothermic reactions, as a dance. Walls might have given you some time alone in your fortress to thing about things and process life changing events from either side of the emotional spectrum. They are not all bad. But as you grow and heal the confines of the wall become too stifling, you’ll need to peek over and see what lies beyond. Sometimes the only thing you can do is take one step and even that might take superhuman effort and self-control. You may not be ready for the integration into the outside yet. It’s cool, don’t sweat it. We all have our own pace. You’ll feel when it’s time to strap the harness and start climbing, you might even have to rest and sleep dangling at the side of a wall, suspended above the void, well… most times, you’ll have to.
You’re not stuck, no matter how it may seem through some periods, There is always, always, always a way out, but we get so busy pounding the wall at exactly the same spot over and over again, standing so close we only see a tiny fraction of it. Once you take a few steps back you might even see a door. Find a different angle to see new solutions. Problems are never solved by the same system that created them. You can unst(f)uck yourself. It’s your freakin’ wall. You have the blueprint even if you’ve misplaced it. You know how to get out, Amnesia is temporary due to hitting your head at the wall.
Walled in and barred spaces are the least of our prisons and the most primitive ones. We’re beings of imagination and can concoct far more devious and cruel prisons for ourselves, thinking ourselves into stuck. If you feel it’s time to leave the protection/confines of a wall, go grab a harness, do some dry runs, exercise your will, build some resilience and muscle to be ready to face the climb. It will be long but the view will be worth every single arduous step. There will be a ladder on the other side once you’re at the top. There always is, People who love you are already building it. Start climbing.