You’re onto something.
We may have beautiful things and keep them locked up somewhere in a dark secret compartment out of fear we’ll lose them, that they’ll somehow get damaged, broken, tarnished or sullied by the world. We would like to keep this beauty pure and forever stuck in a time capsule just as it is. We’ll carefully take it out and admire it, forever staying the same like an epitome of value.
Locking a thing away might keep it safe and undamaged but people are not things. Yet we find ourselves locked away in drawers, wanting to stay as we were, believing that is the only way to be and fearing that version of us might get damaged if exposed to the elements of the world. We want to keep relationships frozen in perfect moments and avoid all of the muddy waters that lead to clean springs. It doesn’t work that way. Things may gather value as they age and mature in their sameness, but poeple will wither away if they stay. Even if you were perfectly adapted to the world at one point and achieved something resembling a perfect person in that particular constellation of events, you cannot stay the same because the constellation will change. This is where the Self may get confused and develop an overly fond relationship to one version of itself, mistakenly taking a screenshot of you as a whole movie, a still frame cannot explain or encompass something always in transience.
There is no need to be afraid of change. You’ve changed a million times by now, beat the odds when it seemed impossible and now you’re here, doing something you perceive as worthwhile and surrounded by love. You did well. Yet this you is nothing like the you five or ten years ago, not even like you a year ago. Every single time any significant change or adaptations offers you an opportunity to grow there will be resistance. This is the inner desire to cling to a current version of you, the confusion of a still frame. The brain doesn’t like to change. It already has a default mode in which it can conserve energy and go about things in a well-rehearsed manner. We’re creatures of habits and if you’ve ever tried to change a bad habit you know how much self-control and conscious effort to not fall into the same pattern it takes. Resistance is good, really really good. It is a sign post you’re on a brink of something bigger, of a breach from the frame, on the doorway to expansion. It is not the same as the gut feeling telling you not to do something. There will be times when your inner personal morality or intuition is warning you not to go somewhere and not to do something to stay clear of people and places. And it is usually right. Listen to it and listen to the resistance. You can feel the difference between them.
Resistance will try to talk you out of changing by making it difficult, but you’re not going through things; they are going through you. Lean into the discomfort and see it through, work through it, breathe through it, sit through it, meditate through it. No one ever discovered anything new without some challenge and places of absolute comfort are void of lessons. When resistance comes, you’re on to something big. Keep going. There are rewards on the other side. Don’t give up.