Some of the hardest battles we’ll ever have to go through will be those we never choose to fight. They choose us with our more or less willing acceptance of the fight rules. Disease is not very good at asking politely if you want to deal with it now. If you’ve been fighting something, you’re not healing and you were supposed to by now, it’s no longer a body issue, it’s a heart and mind issue. Fixing the body is the easy part.
The worst thing is not knowing what has gone wrong, what is off balance. It’s like trying to grab a shadow and have it mock you every time you think you’ve got it. What if you’re also ridiculed by those who are supposed to know and help because your symptoms are not glaringly obvious bodily malfunctions? What if you’re made to feel like you’re mad to the point where you start suspecting it as well? And then you persist and find what it is only to have to fight again, as the notions of Western medicine disengage the youest part of you from the body you inhabit and try to patch up the meat alone. And then you fight to find the cause and if you fight long enough you may win. A small win that doesn’t really heal you but it starts a spark because now you see what you’re fighting, it’s not an apparition any more, but the road ahead is long. This is usually how it goes and the last thing you want to do with depleted energy is fight all the time. What if despite all the fight you’re putting up you’re still not healing? Well this is the twilight zone where you dig deep into the reserves of hope. What if it is still not getting better? The hopelessness and frustration setts in and your clarity starts to dwindle, burdened by all the doubt and fear. If you’re doing everything you possibly can (not faking you’re doing it while you repeat the same bad patters and just talk about doing the right thing) and something is stagnant, it’s no longer just a body issue.
The body, mind and your emotional body talk to each other. When we get sick we tend to retreat from everything, isolate ourselves from the rest of community. A part of this is due to a sort of shame, especially linked to the mental fallout of disease such as anxiety and depression, a part of it is guilt, losing hope and not wanting others to see you in your weakness because you may have a very pervasive “be strong” mental driver that shapes your view of the world and sees disease as a weakness or a character flaw. Or you may just be too drained to deal with people and pile their doubts and worry on top of your own. Your body might be completely ready to heal but your heart might be stuck in a very cold alone dark place. Yes, there might come a time you need to retreat from the world a bit to get your head straight but if you’re having a really hard time reach out and talk to someone. We play our greatest tricks on ourselves and loneliness is a perfect arena for them. Find a few trusted friends, family members, professionals or a community of well-meaning opened individuals and go beyond the conditioning. Heal by joint strength and support.
We so underestimate being heard and supported, cared for and nurtured by kindness, spaces where we can show up as our full selves in non-judgemental arenas. Open up, jump the fence of personal mental and emotional prison, get uncomfortably vulnerable in sharing what needs to be said, go hug another being, stay like that for a while, cry if you need to cry it out, don’t do or say what you feel to be untrue to your nature and keep getting out of the body’s way to do what it already knows how. Once you heal, create a safe space for others to do the same. Energy, intent and the willingness to not just crawl into a hole and give up (even if you feel like it) make a huge difference. It’s called dis-ease because you forget to live through this with grace and ease, comfortable in your skin and loving it through the worst of it. So if you’re not healing, instead of constantly fighting, harbouring resentment and isolation, try openness, softness, vulnerability and connection. Much cheaper than anything pharmacies stock and the only side effect is joy.