You’re afraid of not doing anything meaningful before you go. The thing is you’re not afraid to leave, but you just don’t want to before you’ve made sure you won’t be forgotten, before you’re at peace with bringing meaning into your life and those around you.

When do you feel most alive? Is it the remedial tasks, the chores the responsibilities you have to invest your time in each day of your life. Probably not (although if you’re obsessive control freak this to might tip the scales into giving you immense pleasure of crossing out something from the list). The times you feel most alive in will be those that adhere to the purpose you hold the most important, to the goal that will spontaneously or deliberately arise from who you are and have made yourself to be as well as in accordance with your ideal self you see as a guideline. Our personal purposes are a varied zoo, completely individual and exotic combinations. Your greatest win of the day might be teaching a child a difficult lesson because your purpose is to raise a good human being, it might be finding balance, connecting honestly and openly with another, it might be creating something big so you’re immortalized in your work, it might be wanting to lead a quiet secluded life, acquiring as much knowledge as you can in your time here, it might be wealth, building something from scratch, it might be understanding more, taking care of people in any way… anything is possible. The only rule for a good and worthwhile goal is – that you chasing it doesn’t do (deliberate) harm to others.

So no you’re not afraid of death. The concept of having an expiration date is what keeps you going and stops you from wasting your days. This sense of immediacy and necessity to act now is the eternal clock governing the hunger for beauty, experience and searching for meaning. It might seem perverse at first glance, but the fact you’re going to day is what makes you more alive. The same destiny which awaits us all also unites us. It is not morbid to be constantly aware of pending death. It is the best driver you’ll ever have. We’re all born and we all die, what you do in between those two points is what matters.