Should you stay or should you go?- as The Clash so wonderfully asked this double bladed question. Well, we don’t know. We can’t know. Only you can. But what we can do is offer a spinal cord that might just help erect the arguments of staying or going.

There will be times, people and situations where you will feel this ambivalent drive to move and stay at the same time. The urge to go will be ignited by all the possibilities and alternatives you see to where you are now and staying will be predicated upon old ties, loyalties and fear of newness that keep you locked in situations not necessarily good for you – for your mind, soul, emotions, development, advancement. This toxic yet comfortable old glove will fit in nicely into who you were up to now but you feel it becoming tighter and tighter There will come a breaking point in which you’ll realize that you need to move forward and that some people can only (at that particular point) be loved from a distance. It might not even be that they are holding you back but you might just as well use them as an excuse to never move. You might be completely free to move here, you just never tried before. Connection is beautiful, the checkered histories of working it out and advancing and growing together in our interpersonal relationships are beautiful and some of the most precious things you’ll get to have in this lifetime, but there are just some things you’ll need to go at alone, things you can’t do with people grasping at you from all sides. Do you for a while, do your truth. Find what you’re looking for, balance out. When you’re done with what needs to be done, you’ll come back and get them to pull them up with you – if they want to go. Don’t use relationships as harbors you drop you anchor at and then conveniently excuse yourself from going full out.

It would be grand and heartwarming if they understood that this Is something you need to do alone, but not all of them will understand. You can share your need in the most kind, loving and truthful way you can manage and it might still not be enough. This is all right. Other people’s perceptions and opinions of you are none of your business and don’t take it personally if they can’t or won’t understand the road you need to walk down. They are not obligated to go down your roads, they have their own and both of you are free to explore them. If you can travel side by side on parallel roads waving at each other that would be wonderful, but it won’t always happen. It is just how it is and to have any kind of real relationship that is based in truth and freedom you need to accept this to not create a toxic mud of resentment beneath the relationship.

It is unfair to ask of others to complete you, that’s your job – to complete you to the best of your ability and come into things to stay because you want to, not because you have to or need something from them. Here and there you’ll need to pull away only to come back complete. Sometimes we just see better from a distance.