It is always difficult and easy at the same time to go into a subject of love. Difficult because all stories are the same and completely different at the same time and we’ve all drawn our own conclusions, and easy because there is so much to say.

But there are a few substitutes we’ve gotten sucked in at some point through our explorations of love’s sweet fruit. They might start as pretty good copies before the degeneration shows itself full blown: TRANSACTIONAL, BINDING, POSSESIVE & CONDITIONAL LOVE. None of them is real – first is an exchange of goods and services as it would be when you’re buying a toothbrush, second is a contract, the third is ownership and fourth is a conditional clause sentence.

Transactional love is a closed loop that sustains itself by keeping score. If a person offering this kind of love is smart enough he/she can pull off the illusion where the transaction is masked as “fairness” and “balance“. There is no freedom and openness here and things are not given freely because the person feels the need to give them but as a duty, repaying what they believe they got. This is not love it is trade.

Binding love says you “have to” as if there were no other choice but what the clause in this “contract” permits. Things have to be done in certain way at a certain time and the person retains the right to change the clauses of the contract as they wish. You may even feel really loved here, but only as long as you keep to the clauses. If you don’t – blackmail, passive aggressive behavior, ignoring, pouting and threats they will leave follow. This is not love, but it is a cry for attention through manipulation.

Possessive/clingy love is the trickiest to see through because its first few stages are very much like falling in love and wanting to devour the other person, wanting as much of their time and attention as possible. But slowly the other person becomes a possession to be owned and controlled. Every other aspect of their lives which is not spent with the partner becomes a threat. If you don’t let them devour all of your energy jealousy, anger, resentment and emotional blackmail will follow. This is not love, it is commodification.

Conditional love is the strangest to break free from. It does carry some aspects of real love with it but it acts as a freeze frame of it where you continue to be loved “only if”. This clause is mostly applied to fearing the growth of another person. You are loved only if they stay the same. This might actually work for some but for the most part it leads to purposeful stagnation in order to not rock the boat and then resentment. If you’re afraid to tell the person you love about your success, this is the one. This might be love, but permeated by fear of not being good enough right from the start.