…but do it well. It’s far less destructive than letting things fester. Good argument is not a tear down, it’s building mechanism that should make both sides grow, saving you from a bunch of stupid mistakes, because presuming you know, can discern, see or handle everything by yourself, in exactly the way you’ve fixated on, is arrogant and dogmatically closed.

A true argument is when both sides argue their stance bolstered by a factual architecture that led to a certain conclusion, holding respect for the more or less opposing opinion all the way through. Without respect or any semblance of a logical scaffolding things get personal because the aim of an argument shifts from solutions and building a new stronger structure composed of the two sides, into a fight, a dirty under the belt bare knuckle thing where the only aim is to win. Winning is awesome, but winning as a bully that just pushed everything of the bridge to be the last man standing and gloating is a stupid win. Two heads are better than one, and you’ve just punished someone who was willing to discuss and maybe teach you something you’ll need to know down the road. Winning by pure force and getting mean  is no win at all, as arguments are supposed to be an ongoing thing, free to occur to take the bugs out of any relationship be it personal or professional. You don’t pull rank to end it quickly, you don’t threaten or pout, you don’t tear down the other side by reducing their point of view to a straw man you can easily torch. Instead you see where the argument is strong and focus on the best and most sophisticated version, if you can’t poke holes in that one with your best and most sophisticated argument, well you’ve just been improved and a notion that your view is incomplete can set in. Willingness to let go of a position and introduce new ideas if you own have been shown to be inadequate, insufficiently well-formed, incomplete or pure wrong, the freedom of mind and spirit to fuse two ideas into one is a wonderful trait. If the influx of new information shows you’ve had gaps before and your stance is much stronger now, even if you are reluctant to agree to the other side due to unconscious bias you’ve held for so long, it is something to nurture in yourself. A good debater listens to what the other side is saying as opposed to listening for a moment when their mouth is closed so they can just respond from their narrow framework.

We need arguments and disagreements because it means we’re growing, burning off things that are overgrown in this clash and finding solutions to problems as they present themselves. You’d go absolutely bonkers if you agreed with someone in everything, if you were forever stuck with a copy of yourself that never challenges you, never entices you to sharpen up and get better. A well formed relationship of any nature is the one where you can talk about the hard stuff where your opinions diverge without degenerating into malice and a gridlocked dusty old loop of thought. Some things may be outright wrong and this you will discard, but there is much to learn if you just stifle the need to be right and win all the time. Stalemate is the best possible position you can be in an argument because it means that the two opposing views both have merit and both sides could benefit from acknowledging their own blind spots. The more you see the better you can navigate the complex ever-changing environment. In the history of humanity there has never been anyone completely right about everything  and neither are you. Argue and do it well.